Singer and actress Komal Rizvi was a guest on Nadir Ali’s podcast where she opened up about her abusive first marriage and how she managed to escape it.
Recalling her past, Rizvi revealed that she was quite naive at the time she got married, as she was only 21 years old and this was a semi-arranged marriage for which she had been given only four months to accept the propsal. The actress had lived in Dubai for a year, and later shifted to Oman when the beatings began, getting worse to the point that even the police had to be called.
“I was 21 years old when I had gotten married, so I was very young… When we lived in Oman, I didn’t have any family or friends that I could escape to, and my ex-husband never gave me any money to keep me under his control. One time, I called the police on him when he was beating me. But instead of taking action, they dismissed it as a domestic problem and left, leaving me completely alone with him.”
Recalling what she had learned from her past ordeal, after getting a divorce four years later, the actress said she wished more parents would educate their children about understanding boundaries, because her husband would psychologically abuse her to believe the beatings she was receiving were her own fault.
“Women from the start in our society are told that they will have a beautiful wedding, after which they will have a husband who will take care of all of their needs. Which is why, so many women are willing to give their 200% in order to make their marriages work. But I detest that we never teach women about the importance of establishing boundaries, that let alone their husband, no man can cross. Which is the thing I regret the most because then I would not have wasted three and a half years trying to make my marriage work. My husband would play all sorts of mind games to gaslight me and make me feel like I am responsible for the beatings because I made him angry. For instance, he would say ‘it’s your fault that you served me with cold food, so I hit a frying pan on your head.’ I kept believing that if I loved him better or worked harder, he would be proud of me.”
Rizvi especially emphasized how important it is that women are emotionally strong and be vary of men who try to encourage them to abandon their careers and dreams, because this is how her husband treated her.
“Men like my ex-husband, who are psychopaths, especially try to ensure that they trap the girl to prevent her from escaping in any way. They go after girls like me who were quiet independent and successful, and ask her to abandon all of this in order to become a wife. They want a simple, meek girl who has no independence or opinions of her own, so they can bend her in to two pieces.”
After escaping her abusive marriage, Rizvi recalled that it was incredibly difficult to be happy and come out of her dark hole, and said that it’s important that society helps women understand that their life isn’t over after a divorce, and provide them with the support system and care one needs.
‘Because I was very young when I got divorced. I used to think ‘Oh my life is over! Who would marry me?’ Now I look back and I’m shocked that I said things like this because I remind myself today that I still have a long way to go!” joked Rizvi.
On the lesson she wished parents, and especially men, would take away from her revelation, Rizvi said that men need to learn to respect women, and ensure that when they’re bringing a woman who had a lot of protection when she lived with her parents, ‘Make sure you provide her the same amount of honor, respect and love. And when she becomes the mother of your children, provide her with twice the amount of love and care than you usually gave.”
